It’s either light or dark, midnight or noon, happy or sad. That’s how most moods run for people (or so it seems). For me, it’s either darkness or less dark. Today is dark. Like dark dark; it’s 12 o’clock, but not noon, it’s midnight. I’m definitely sad, down, straight up depressed.
Today is a bad day. It’s one of those days. If you struggle with depression than you likely know exactly what I’m talking about. Well, maybe not exactly like me, but you can certainly relate.
I can’t say that there was any one thing that brought it on today. Sometimes there are events that trigger these feelings, but other times they just kick in. Today nothing happened, but I find myself fighting just to keep my head up at work.
All I can think about is how badly I want to go home, crawl under the covers and not talk to anyone else for a week.
A few weeks ago I had a day like this, and I called in sick. My family was out-of-town, so it made it easier to do. I ended up in bed for two days straight.
I don’t want to be depressed, but it’s obviously not a choice. I am depressed and there’s nothing I can do about it. It’s hard for me to even press these keys to write these words. In fact, the only reason I ‘m doing it is to avoid doing other things that I really should be doing.
The thoughts that go through my head are so dark. I can’t stand to be around myself when I’m like this. I think that’s why I like to sleep when I’m down, because I can get away from my own thoughts. I’m usually pretty mad when I wake up. Not because of some bad dream, but merely for the fact that I’m waking up at all. Back in this drudgery. Back in this life.
My kids keep me from going to far – the thought of them. But soaking in the darkness just makes for a horrible day.
Hopefully tomorrow will be better than today.
Sad Stated Affairs 